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| Credit: Creepypasta Wiki |
Today, we find out what happens when you call that hotline, we see a little bit more killing, we find out that shit is getting real, and we sort of kind of meet the man that made this story possible. Let's a go.
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February 25th, 2011
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Hey, I called the 1-900 hotline mentioned on Episode 3. It was a pre-recording, which I will transcribe for you.
Even after I said I didn't care? How sweet of you...
"Hello! My name is Happy Appy! I am every kid's most helpful and favorite Apple! If you want to make a donation, press 1. If you want to know about the earthquake, press 2."
"If you want to know if you should really give a crap, press 3. If you want hot sexxxy lovin' from an apple tonight, press 4..."
When I pressed two, the hotline said this.
"An earthquake and tsunami has recently hit Japan, and we need all the help we can get! If you can make a donation of 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50, or 100 dollars, you will be a big help! Anyone who donates gets a Happy Appy badge!"
Alright, a little off topic, but why is it that help hotlines only ask for very specific donations? I find it weird that they don't just say, "Hey, unless your a total heartless jerk, you need to donate to help these people during desperate times. We don't care how much, every bit helps." That seems much more practical then asking for $5 specifically. Why, yes, I do need to quit stalling.
So, I went ahead and donated a dollar to the donation for the fun of it by using an outdated bank account that I never used. It responded.
"Thank you for helping with the aid for the Tsunami! Look in your mailbox in a week from now, because you'll get your Happy Appy badge!"
"Also, we'll hunt you down and force you to do a scene for "The Towers" if you we find out that you used a bad bank account."
I’m wondering what earthquake Happy predicted. Between 1999 and the current day, there were no 9.0 earthquakes in Japan. Since the 2003 Hokkaido Earthquake was pretty close to when the episode was released, as well as the magnitude mentioned in the radio broadcast, I guess he was predicting about that.
Well, that earthquake didn't cause a tsunami genius. The 2006 Kuril Islands earthquake, an 8.0, on the other hand did. But of course, that wasn't a big enough train wreck and ergo wouldn't be as awesome a prediction.
February 27th, 2011
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Episode 9 was corrupt, to say the least.
As corrupt as a series about a killer apple can be anyway...
It started up, but it had no audio, and the first part was so badly compressed that it was hardly viewable. The next part was just plain static for the rest of the video.
“Great, 2 missing episodes”, I thought.
I'm thinking the same thing, as that means 2 gore fests that I don't have to suffer through... How come I have feeling though that once you decide to pull an idea from your butt you are going to revisit those 2 episodes? *shudder*
Episode 10, called "Happy's Trick", was actually watchable. It started with some weird, off-beat carnival music, and Happy Appy doing his death smile.
Great, so now on top of the pedo vibe you have been channeling, you're now going for scary clowns. Any more cliché vibes you wish to go for?
As the episode went on, scars started to appear on Happy's clay body.
"Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal"
It began with Happy in his van, driving on the road, which looped on and on. Eventually, he reached the playground, where many children were at play. Happy jumped out, and looked like he was ready to kill all of them.
Yeah, I bit it got you all wiled up for the gorn, didn't it!?
Happy jumped out, and looked like he was ready to kill all of them. He said "Hey kids, who wants to see Happy do a magic trick?" The kids cheered, and ran into his van. Happy closed the door and drove off. After a few minutes, he came back, smiling like he just killed them all. The inside of the van was covered in blood as well.
So... I'm assuming that he did kill them.
I couldn't take it anymore. For some reason, Happy was making me feel nauseous.
For some reason, this story is doing the same thing to me.
But I kept going. The rest of the show before the credits was him reading the news. It looked absolutely normal, until the camera zoomed on the newspaper, which was reporting on future events that didn't happen for a long time. Just a few examples were the Libyan riots, the death of Michael Jackson, and the SS Columbia disaster.
Do you remember when all these terrible things happen!? Do you!? DO YOU!? Well, they predicted all of it, and it's all creepy and stuff!!!
Hey, if you REALLY wanted to have Happy predict a disaster, you should of had him predict Tim Tebow's NFL career.
Meanwhile, there were random breaks, which showed a "behind the scenes" look at him murdering a child in his van. At the credits, Happy was holding a knife, covered with blood. The camera shot down, where there was a table. A hand with cut marks was visible.
...*sigh*
"I bleed it out
Digging deeper just to throw it away"
"If you get these DVDs, I copied Happy over to them.
REALLY!? I couldn't tell, what with having watched all 10 episodes before this message popped up.
I wanted to preserve this so that they weren't lost forever. Now you might wonder, how did Nick allow all 10 episodes (or 7)?
(Or 8... Or maybe it was the first 5. I forget.)
I don't know. They just did, that's what. If you want to know more, see me.
-KC"
When Harry Wayne Casey gives you a task, you had best not let him down. That's the way (Uh huh uh huh) he likes it (Uh huh uh huh)
Wait, who was KC? Was that my friend, Kevin Seward Costo? Well, when I first met him, he did say that he worked with Nick until the end of the millennium, so he probably helped with Happy Appy.
So HE'S the one who is to blame for this mess. I hope that damn dirty apple gives him what he deserves.
When I entered, Kevin wasn't home. Instead, his wife was sitting in his bedroom, crying. I asked her what happened to Kevin. She replied with something that shocked me. "I don't know what happened, but someone or something kidnapped him last night. I'm not sure where my husband went, but whoever kidnapped him left this piece of paper. Take it." I got a folded up piece of paper. I unfolded it, and it was a picture of Happy Appy during the 9/11 scene, with the exception that he looked badly scarred like in Episode 10.
That has got to be the least threatening "meant to be threatening" item ever.
Before I left, I asked her how those horrifying episodes got on Noggin. She replied with "T-this man h-had drugged the producers! He was g-going to-"
He-hey, maybe we'll finally get some REAL background into this show!!!
That was enough. I couldn't bear to take it anymore, so I left the house, and drove off.
...SERIOUSLY!? YOU WERE ABOUT TO GET THE ANSWER YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AND JUST SAID, "Man, this shit about a murdering apple and kidnapping is getting too intense. Fuck this, I'm going home." Just, just... wow.
Also, nice of you to just sort of not give a crap about your "friend" or his wife. Really, stay the course bro...
When I got out, I started to walk back to my house. I heard a gunshot and screams from a woman, probably Kevin's wife. I instantly ran to my house, because I know whoever killed Kevin was trying to kill me.
It's nice to know our protagonist is a sniveling coward...
Before I opened the door, I saw one last glimpse behind me. It was Kevin's mutilated arm in a bush, and an unknown figure standing behind it.
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Today's Verdict:
Well, the grammar issues are still there. In fact, I'll just go ahead and say that they never really go away, so... there is that.
In case you can't tell, this is when the story starts to get silly, because this is when we find out that this show is SERIOUS BUSINESS and the bits that aren't really related to the show start. It will generally raise more questions then answers and make one wish to bang their head against a wall... But I'm getting ahead of myself.
BTW, I'm betting that tomorrow I do more then two post... I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not. Come back tomorrow to find out!
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