I do want to say before I begin that this story is clearly meant as a parody of Sonic.EXE, but it's not really funny... At all. Well, OK, that crappy image you just saw is kind of funny, but the story backing it just falls flat. So, without further ado, let's dive right in... ...
Oh wait, two other things, firstly my comments will now be in bold during the story itself. The other thing is that this is part of a series on the Goodman siblings, the other two being 1dollar.wav and The CamCoder. I actually can safely recommend those two, as they are actually pretty creepy and well written.
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For crying out loud, what is it with my family and creepy stuff always happening to us?!
How the hell should I know!? Oh, sorry, let me elaborate.
Yeah, you probably should.
I am Sally Goodman, one of the three Goodman siblings. The other two are John Goodman and Henry Goodman, my brothers. Lately freaky things have been happening to us. First John gets haunted by some insane ghost hag. Then a freaky mutant girl's face is staring through Henry's living room window. I prayed to God that nothing would happen to the third of the Goodman siblings.
As everyone should know by now, God has a sick sense of humor. Seriously, praying to him is just BEGGING for some crazy shit to happen to you.
But nope. Something just HAD to happen to me, because I guess the world hates me.
To be fair, it's not just you. It hates your your whole family.
Alright, enough of my self-pity. On with my story, I ain't got all day.
Woah, you're the one telling it. I mean, I'll admit I sure as hell don't have all day to listen to angsty whining, but it's odd to hear the speaker say they "don't have all day."
Well, I had moved in to an apartment in Dayton, Ohio. I was unpacking my things and so forth. There was a small storage room by the patio of the apartment, and I opened the door to put some things in there. It seemed to be empty, and I walked in. Then I looked down on the floor and saw I had almost stepped on a black USB drive. I picked it up and stuck it in my pocket.
I was curious as to why it was left sitting in a storage closet, and also if there was anything on it. I had my laptop with me, so I decided I'd see for myself later on after I had unpacked a few more things.
Well, later on in the day, after I had done all the unpacking for that day, I got out my laptop and turned it on. It didn't have an internet connection, since I still needed to get Comcast to transfer my cable and phone services over to my new home. Just in case there were viruses on the drive, I loaded up Windows XP on a virtual machine. I plugged in the USB drive, and it did the usual autorun thing prompting me with what I wanted to do. I chose to open a folder to view the files. What was in the drive seemed to be files for some kind of game. I ignored those and found the actual game application, which was named "knob.exe". It was the game.
Big shocker there. Whenever I click a "EXE" file for a game, my computer usually pops up a picture showing me getting kicked in the nuts.
It seemed to be some kind of 16-bit platformer game. You controlled some stick figure thing and guided him through the levels. There was no title screen or anything. It just went right to the first level. The level was some city streets or something, and you had to avoid the traffic to get through the level.
So someone was planning on making a platformer version "Frogger" for the SNES?
The really weird part was every now and then someone walking along would notice the stick figure, and scream bloody murder.
A BRITISH "Frogger" platformer game with awesome sound.
The stick figure would then proceed to grab the person and strangle them to death.
o_O And it was going to be friggin hardcore. I need this game.
I got through the first 4 levels, but then I got to the 5th level.
As to be expected after going through the first 4 levels.
Instead of a city street, the stick figure was standing inside a storage room. My heart skipped a beat when I realized where I was: it was a perfect 16-bit replica of the storage room I had found the USB drive in. Without me even moving him, the character walked over to the door and opened it. He went outside, and the scene transitioned to another familiar place: the patio just outside my apartment. Out of paranoia, I looked out through the glass door leading out to the apartment patio, and to my horror, somebody was there.
OH MY GOD IT'S FUCKING PEDO BEAR!!!!!!
It was the most disturbing creature I'd ever seen. He was completely naked, and hunched over like a gorilla. He was horribly skinny, and so pale it looked like he'd never seen the light of day in his life. Black fur grew along his spine. His face...he wore an expression of unspeakable malice and insanity. His mouth was 2 times the size of a normal human's mouth. His teeth were HUGE, and his evil smile stretched up all the way to his forehead.
OK, I know, minor nitpick here, but look back up at the image I mentioned? Does it look like the smile stretches up that high?
He had claws...claws longer than his fingers, and they looked sharp enough to cut my head clean off.
Gotta say, it must be a pain in the ass for him to jerk off. And I mean come on, it's a male creature stalking a girl from her Apartment patio, we all know what he was doing. I mean, how else do you think she was able to identify the creature as a "male" so quickly?
Then the thing I dreaded the most happened: he looked up at me, with his cold, wicked eyes, and that horrible smile.
I glanced back at my laptop's screen for a second. The stick figure on the game was looking into the glass window door, just as this terrible creature was doing.
I looked back. The creature was beckoning me over to him with his bony, clawed
Erection?
index finger.
...Oh.
The character on the game was also beckoning.
I didn't want to go with this beast. I couldn't.
Why not?
But I had lost control of my body. I got up and walked straight into the clutches of that monster. I tried to turn away, but my body fought back.
I opened the glass window door, and stepped out onto the patio. Being close-up to this...thing...was even worse than seeing him from inside my apartment.
He held up a map for me to see, and pointed out some directions with his wicked sharp claw.
"So, uh yeah... Then you take the left off of 22 and go about 2 or 3 miles..."
He sliced...
I woke with a start, sweating and breathing heavily, heart pounding against my ribs like a hammer.
BOOOO!!!! COP OUT! COP OUT! COP OUT! COP OUT!!!
It...it was just a dream.
Yeah, I couldn't figure that out. Thanks for telling me.
After a while of just sitting there I calmed down. It seemed I had fallen asleep sometime while playing the game. I guess it made sense. I had been having trouble sleeping the past few nights, and was probably tired.
I looked at the laptop screen. There was a message saying the game had encountered a problem and needed to close blah blah blah.
I became curious about the directions the creature in my dream had given me. They were real directions to a real place.
That you saw in your dreams. Odds are the directions were just bullshit.
Some pond around the area. I decided just for the heck of it I'd go there tomorrow.
Just for the heck of it? Well, better then the usual, "I kept feeling an urge that I needed to go there... Time to go grab the idiot ball."
The next day after breakfast I got in my car and followed the directions to the pond. I got there, and got out of the car.
I skipped some rocks and such for a few minutes. Not having much of a reason to stay, I started to walk back to the car.
But then I noticed something on the ground out of the corner of my eye. I stopped, and went over to examine it.
It was a wooden trap door of some kind.
If it is noticeable just by someone looking around randomly, then it has got to be the worst trap door ever.
I remembered the nightmare I had, and became paranoid. But then I realized how silly I was being. It was just a dream. Nothing bad can REALLY be here...right?
We all know the answer to that question.
There was a handle on the trap door that I could lift to open it. Cautiously I grabbed the handle and pulled up, to reveal darkness below. I needed a flashlight. I thought I had one in the back of my car. I went to go check, and sure enough, I found one.
Well, that sure was lucky. Seriously, how many people just keep flashlights laying around in their cars?
The space was empty, with nothing but dirt on all sides. But then my flashlight shined on something that made my blood run cold. Something that made me sprint back out the trapdoor, slamming it shut behind me, and back into my car, to drive home and smash the USB drive I had found the day before into tiny pieces and then burn the pieces (the disturbing part is the hissing sound the drive made when I did this, like some terrible snake).
It was a figure, hunched over like a gorilla. Horribly skinny and pale. Fur on spine. Drooping black hair. Insane deformed face. It was the creature from my nightmare, and he was looking right into my eyes.
...Weak.
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Final Verdict:
Unlike most of the stuff that I review on here, this one has pretty good grammar and even fewer spelling mistakes, so big plus there. In fact, I think from a technical standpoint, it's the most well written thing I've done on here, which is no surprise since the author HAS written some good things.
Sadly, the story (which, again, is rather clearly meant to be a parody) seems to be taking itself too seriously to really be too enjoyable. So, instead of a funny parody of an overrated creepypasta, we have a rather dull pasta that is more or less typical flare. I know there is a fine line to walk when doing parodies, but I really wish the author had been a bit more over the top when writing this... But as is, it's actually pretty decent, if typical.
Rating: 6/10 Funny photoshop pics.
Also, I must close this out by saying that I had this written up and ready to go for a while now... But when I originally typed it up a few weeks ago, I had made the mistake of doing it ALL using the "HTML" function instead of the "Compose" function. I didn't notice until I had looked at one of my Happy Appy posts... So, feel free to think I am an idiot or what have you. See you next time.
Also, I must close this out by saying that I had this written up and ready to go for a while now... But when I originally typed it up a few weeks ago, I had made the mistake of doing it ALL using the "HTML" function instead of the "Compose" function. I didn't notice until I had looked at one of my Happy Appy posts... So, feel free to think I am an idiot or what have you. See you next time.
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