Chris Benoit DVD

Source: Creepypasta Wiki

When writing Creepypasta about original characters or beloved, fictional characters I think it's safe to say that you can pretty much do whatever you want. I maintain that the best Pastas do stay in the realm of realism (though obviously you can bend it) but when doing stuff like Lost Episodes or made up creatures like Slenderman, you can bend the rules quite a bit more and it can still work.

That is why, I think, you don't see many Pastas (much less successful ones) that deal with real life people or incidents. There is plenty of potential in a few cases, and if done right it takes everything to a whole new level of unnerving, but with police science, autopsies, and the like having improved so much it is hard to really make any of these convincing. We, generally, will know, or at least have some idea of what happened.

Which brings me to today's Pasta, which has the oh so creative title: Chris Benoit DVD.

For those of you who don't know, Chris Benoit was considered one of the greatest technical professional wrestlers of all time by many fans. However, in the year 2007 Chris Benoit committed one of the most heinous acts that any wrestler has ever committed outside the ring, killing his wife Nancy Benoit (some of you may remember her as "Woman" if you watched WCW or ECW) and his son Daniel Benoit. He then took his own life by hanging himself in his weight room.

This has sparked a lot of debate that I am NOT here to talk about; It has also sparked many conspiracy theories that insist that Benoit was murdered ALONGSIDE his family. Could such a theory be turned into a good Creepypasta? Let's find out...
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I've been big fan of pro-wrestling since 1998. My favorite superstar for a long time was Chris Benoit. However, in 2007, Benoit killed his wife, his son and, finally, himself. The incident became highly infamous, resulting in new legislature and a complete cleansing of Benoit's career from WWE's archives. It was also shocking for all those who followed Benoit over the years.

The strangest thing happened on the one-year anniversary of his death. Searching on EBay, I found a Chris Benoit DVD. The price was one dollar, including shipping. I was amazed at such a low price and thought no damage in buying what will most likely be a collector's item in the future.

Firstly, unless this dude got free shipping, it is impossible to find anything on EBay that costs $1 including Shipping; Trust me, I know. I don't care if Cthulhu himself is the seller, it ain't happening. More importantly though, the author actually showed a picture of what this supposed future collector's item is...

I normally wouldn't point this out, but I actually HAVE this DVD set. It only has 2 discs (as most WWE releases tended to have at the time it was released) with one being a, now hard to watch, documentary and the other being purely a match collection.

On the one hand, I'm impressed the author actually decided to show this image as opposed to just ignoring it or just having a case that reads "CHRIS BENOIT" on it, but perhaps that would of been the better way to go. If this dude is a Chris Benoit fan, then he probably should already know about the DVD set, so he should know something is not right right away...

...But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When the box arrived at my house, it was in good condition. It had 3 discs, all seeming in tact and untampered...but in a pocket in the back of the set, I saw another disc. Its label read: 4th DISC: DELETED SCENES AND SPECIAL CLIPS. I wondered if this 4th disc was a new addition, but that never made sense to me, seeing that WWE erased him from their universe. Even in his lifetime, I can't imagine they would dedicate 4 discs to a wrestler made iconic by WCW, considering their own super creation Triple H only got 2 discs in his earlier box set.

See, the dude even admits that something is suspicious but, in true Creepypasta Idiot Hero fashion, he shrugs it off pretty quickly. He should of been suspicious the second he saw 3 discs.

I first inserted the 1st disc on the tray of my DVD player. There was an unusually short documentary, a couple of longer matches and some rather dry bonus features. Then the strangest thing happened. At the halfway point of duration of the current video clip, a pop-up message was displayed. It read: ...Want to see more?

"I've got some footage from the Hulk Hogan sex tape right here and ready to go."

Out of jumpiness I wanted to scream NO. The message then changed. I expected it to read "Go to Disc 2" or something like that. But instead, it read: "...Yes."

"Then it started to show footage of Daniel Bryan, with blood coming out of his eye sockets, going, "YES! YES!! YES!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!"

I was like, "What the fuck?" I was scared already. The Disc ejected by itself. I was creeped to death.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you put in disc 2 anyway, right?

I checked the set. I saw in the box that the 2nd and the 3rd discs were missing.

I can admit when I'm wrong... So this means you are going to do the dumbest thing possible and put in disc 4 AKA the disc that made you suspicious in the first place, right?

The 4th disc was still in it's pocket. I put the fourth disc on the DVD tray and the feature started.

I know I shouldn't count a second attempt at guessing a "win" but I CAN consider myself a winner for not being a moron like you...

There were strange messages that occasionally popped up on the TV screen. They said "...Do you know who did this?"

A mediocre writer writing a crappy story?

...or "...Chris didn't kill them."

You know, the thing that depresses me most is that I know some easily tricked sap out there looked at this, believed it, and then what on a forum to rant about how this is the "REAL story" behind these murders... Or at least he would have if...

...Again, getting ahead of myself.

These messages lasted two or three seconds. It then showed us the living room of what I assumed to be the Benoit family.

Chris, in the distance was holding something to the dresser in his bedroom. I couldn't tell what it was due to mediocre definition, but I had a damn good feeling what it was going to be. Surely, he lifted it off the dresser, and it turned to be a gun in his hand. He shot whoever was filming him on the first shot. When the cameraman fell and the camera tumbled, I could see that his wife Nancy was filming the event with their son Daniel.

NO! NO!! NO!!! Stop it... Just stop it!

*Leaves room to regain composure. The sound of a head violently banging against the wall can be heard. Returns to the room, blood slowly trickling down from his forehead.*

...OK... Resume...

Then the unexpected happened. Behind Benoit, in the window, there was a man that looked like an agile Gargoyle.

...

*Bites lip. Shakes violently...*

He wore an evil grin to his face. He snatched Benoit's gun. He shot Benoit in the back of the head 15 times in a row. Benoit somehow still seemed barely alive. The Gargoyle was laughing like a Devil.

*Slams a fist on a table* OK, STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!! Just... No. NO! Bad writer, BAD WRITER!!!

I will just recap the rest of this goddamn story so I can go ahead and get to my final thoughts rant, basically, the Gargoyle... Let's just assume it's this one:

Gaze into the face of evil.

He's in the author's house. The author breaks the disc and the Gargoyle vanishes... Because the author doesn't want to kill himself off. He then calls the dude who sold him the disc and the dude reveals ZOMG PLOT TWIST the author is now the demon's vessel... I think. Either way, I'm grateful this is over!

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Final Thoughts: 

I have NEVER been pissed off at a Creepypasta before. Irritated with, yes. Annoyed with, yes. Straight up, boiling pot mad with, no.

Let me be clear, the idea that a demon possessed Benoit and had him commit the murders is fine, if horribly cliche and unreal. I understand it may not be to everyone's taste, and you most certainly have a right to feel that way, but that wouldn't cross my personal levels of taste.

HOWEVER, the sheer stupidity of how it is done here is what pisses me off. Three minutes... THREE GODDAMN MINUTES... of research throws the whole damn Pasta out the window. There is suspension of disbelief, then there is insulting the reader's intelligence.

If you are going to do a Creepypasta based off of a well know, real life incident then take the time to FUCKING RESEARCH IT!!! Make sure your Pasta can have SOME validity. Otherwise, all you wrote is meaningless, non-creepy, non-scary drivel.

The fact that he threw in demonic possession just makes this all the stupider. If some research had been done before writing this, you could of had an OK, not great, not good, but OK pasta here. The demon, using Benoit's body, killed Nancy and Daniel using the methods Benoit actually used in real life (strangulation and suffocation respectively) then have a remorseful Benoit, believing himself to be the culprit for whatever reason, commit suicide. It retains (a little) plausibility AND the demon could be viewed by some (specifically, the people who believe it was due to steroid abuse) as being symbolic for Benoit's own, personal demons resulting in the death of his loved ones.

I feel awkward as hell writing that, believe me, and as I said it still wouldn't of been great, but it would of been alright.

Instead, I feel insulted.

Final Verdict: Over 9000 fits of rage!!!

Well... That was "fun." Wonder what I'll be doing ne-...

*Gets cut off by the sound of a ringing phone. Picks up* Hello...

"Hey Deathedge, it's me... Appy!"

...Oh god no...

Knob.EXE

Source: Creepypasta Wiki Author: As per usual, I'm not 100% sure... Alright, I'm back (well behind my intended goal... Bleh.) and ready to post, but not quite ready to try and resume the horror of our favorite child killing fruit. No, let's go after bad photo shop art instead...

PERFECT!

 I do want to say before I begin that this story is clearly meant as a parody of Sonic.EXE, but it's not really funny... At all. Well, OK, that crappy image you just saw is kind of funny, but the story backing it just falls flat. So, without further ado, let's dive right in... ...

Oh wait, two other things, firstly my comments will now be in bold during the story itself. The other thing is that this is part of a series on the Goodman siblings, the other two being 1dollar.wav and The CamCoder. I actually can safely recommend those two, as they are actually pretty creepy and well written. 

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 For crying out loud, what is it with my family and creepy stuff always happening to us?!

How the hell should I know!? Oh, sorry, let me elaborate.

Yeah, you probably should.

 I am Sally Goodman, one of the three Goodman siblings. The other two are John Goodman and Henry Goodman, my brothers. Lately freaky things have been happening to us. First John gets haunted by some insane ghost hag. Then a freaky mutant girl's face is staring through Henry's living room window. I prayed to God that nothing would happen to the third of the Goodman siblings.

 As everyone should know by now, God has a sick sense of humor. Seriously, praying to him is just BEGGING for some crazy shit to happen to you.

 But nope. Something just HAD to happen to me, because I guess the world hates me.

To be fair, it's not just you. It hates your your whole family.

 Alright, enough of my self-pity. On with my story, I ain't got all day.

 Woah, you're the one telling it. I mean, I'll admit I sure as hell don't have all day to listen to angsty whining, but it's odd to hear the speaker say they "don't have all day."

 Well, I had moved in to an apartment in Dayton, Ohio. I was unpacking my things and so forth. There was a small storage room by the patio of the apartment, and I opened the door to put some things in there. It seemed to be empty, and I walked in. Then I looked down on the floor and saw I had almost stepped on a black USB drive. I picked it up and stuck it in my pocket.

I was curious as to why it was left sitting in a storage closet, and also if there was anything on it. I had my laptop with me, so I decided I'd see for myself later on after I had unpacked a few more things.

 Well, later on in the day, after I had done all the unpacking for that day, I got out my laptop and turned it on. It didn't have an internet connection, since I still needed to get Comcast to transfer my cable and phone services over to my new home. Just in case there were viruses on the drive, I loaded up Windows XP on a virtual machine. I plugged in the USB drive, and it did the usual autorun thing prompting me with what I wanted to do. I chose to open a folder to view the files. What was in the drive seemed to be files for some kind of game. I ignored those and found the actual game application, which was named "knob.exe". It was the game.

 Big shocker there. Whenever I click a "EXE" file for a game, my computer usually pops up a picture showing me getting kicked in the nuts.

 It seemed to be some kind of 16-bit platformer game. You controlled some stick figure thing and guided him through the levels. There was no title screen or anything. It just went right to the first level. The level was some city streets or something, and you had to avoid the traffic to get through the level.

 So someone was planning on making a platformer version "Frogger" for the SNES?

 The really weird part was every now and then someone walking along would notice the stick figure, and scream bloody murder.

 A BRITISH "Frogger" platformer game with awesome sound.

 The stick figure would then proceed to grab the person and strangle them to death.

 o_O And it was going to be friggin hardcore. I need this game.

 I got through the first 4 levels, but then I got to the 5th level.

As to be expected after going through the first 4 levels.

 Instead of a city street, the stick figure was standing inside a storage room. My heart skipped a beat when I realized where I was: it was a perfect 16-bit replica of the storage room I had found the USB drive in. Without me even moving him, the character walked over to the door and opened it. He went outside, and the scene transitioned to another familiar place: the patio just outside my apartment. Out of paranoia, I looked out through the glass door leading out to the apartment patio, and to my horror, somebody was there.

OH MY GOD IT'S FUCKING PEDO BEAR!!!!!!

 It was the most disturbing creature I'd ever seen. He was completely naked, and hunched over like a gorilla. He was horribly skinny, and so pale it looked like he'd never seen the light of day in his life. Black fur grew along his spine. His face...he wore an expression of unspeakable malice and insanity. His mouth was 2 times the size of a normal human's mouth. His teeth were HUGE, and his evil smile stretched up all the way to his forehead.

OK, I know, minor nitpick here, but look back up at the image I mentioned? Does it look like the smile stretches up that high?

He had claws...claws longer than his fingers, and they looked sharp enough to cut my head clean off.

Gotta say, it must be a pain in the ass for him to jerk off. And I mean come on, it's a male creature stalking a girl from her Apartment patio, we all know what he was doing. I mean, how else do you think she was able to identify the creature as a "male" so quickly?

Then the thing I dreaded the most happened: he looked up at me, with his cold, wicked eyes, and that horrible smile.

I glanced back at my laptop's screen for a second. The stick figure on the game was looking into the glass window door, just as this terrible creature was doing.

I looked back. The creature was beckoning me over to him with his bony, clawed

Erection?

index finger.

...Oh.

The character on the game was also beckoning.

I didn't want to go with this beast. I couldn't.

Why not?

But I had lost control of my body. I got up and walked straight into the clutches of that monster. I tried to turn away, but my body fought back.

I opened the glass window door, and stepped out onto the patio. Being close-up to this...thing...was even worse than seeing him from inside my apartment.

He held up a map for me to see, and pointed out some directions with his wicked sharp claw.

"So, uh yeah... Then you take the left off of 22 and go about 2 or 3 miles..."

 He sliced...

I woke with a start, sweating and breathing heavily, heart pounding against my ribs like a hammer.

BOOOO!!!! COP OUT! COP OUT! COP OUT! COP OUT!!!

It...it was just a dream.

Yeah, I couldn't figure that out. Thanks for telling me.

 After a while of just sitting there I calmed down. It seemed I had fallen asleep sometime while playing the game. I guess it made sense. I had been having trouble sleeping the past few nights, and was probably tired.

I looked at the laptop screen. There was a message saying the game had encountered a problem and needed to close blah blah blah.

I became curious about the directions the creature in my dream had given me. They were real directions to a real place.

That you saw in your dreams. Odds are the directions were just bullshit.

Some pond around the area. I decided just for the heck of it I'd go there tomorrow.

Just for the heck of it? Well, better then the usual, "I kept feeling an urge that I needed to go there... Time to go grab the idiot ball."

The next day after breakfast I got in my car and followed the directions to the pond. I got there, and got out of the car.

I skipped some rocks and such for a few minutes. Not having much of a reason to stay, I started to walk back to the car.

But then I noticed something on the ground out of the corner of my eye. I stopped, and went over to examine it.

It was a wooden trap door of some kind.

If it is noticeable just by someone looking around randomly, then it has got to be the worst trap door ever.

I remembered the nightmare I had, and became paranoid. But then I realized how silly I was being. It was just a dream. Nothing bad can REALLY be here...right?

We all know the answer to that question.

There was a handle on the trap door that I could lift to open it. Cautiously I grabbed the handle and pulled up, to reveal darkness below. I needed a flashlight. I thought I had one in the back of my car. I went to go check, and sure enough, I found one.

Well, that sure was lucky. Seriously, how many people just keep flashlights laying around in their cars?

The space was empty, with nothing but dirt on all sides. But then my flashlight shined on something that made my blood run cold. Something that made me sprint back out the trapdoor, slamming it shut behind me, and back into my car, to drive home and smash the USB drive I had found the day before into tiny pieces and then burn the pieces (the disturbing part is the hissing sound the drive made when I did this, like some terrible snake).

It was a figure, hunched over like a gorilla. Horribly skinny and pale. Fur on spine. Drooping black hair. Insane deformed face. It was the creature from my nightmare, and he was looking right into my eyes.

...Weak.

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Final Verdict:

Unlike most of the stuff that I review on here, this one has pretty good grammar and even fewer spelling mistakes, so big plus there. In fact, I think from a technical standpoint, it's the most well written thing I've done on here, which is no surprise since the author HAS written some good things.

Sadly, the story (which, again, is rather clearly meant to be a parody) seems to be taking itself too seriously to really be too enjoyable. So, instead of a funny parody of an overrated creepypasta, we have a rather dull pasta that is more or less typical flare. I know there is a fine line to walk when doing parodies, but I really wish the author had been a bit more over the top when writing this... But as is, it's actually pretty decent, if typical.

Rating: 6/10 Funny photoshop pics.

Also, I must close this out by saying that I had this written up and ready to go for a while now... But when I originally typed it up a few weeks ago, I had made the mistake of doing it ALL using the "HTML" function instead of the "Compose" function. I didn't notice until I had looked at one of my Happy Appy posts... So, feel free to think I am an idiot or what have you. See you next time.

I'll be back soon

To whom it may concern, since I don't believe I ever had a regular reader on this blog, I know that I've been gone a long time. I don't really feel comfortable disclosing all details, so I'll just stick to the short versions on why I was gone. (1) Real life simply got in the way. After a major incident happen to me and my family, I simply couldn't muster up any will power to go back and start looking at Happy Appy, or any other Creepypasta. I needed time to recover, to let the dark thoughts out, before I dove back into a (mostly) dark genre. (2) My laptop got a virus because of my stupidity (and no I was not looking at porn... Everyone seems to jump to that conclusion) so I had to go out and get an anti virus program. It's a minor problem, but I probably would of been able to get this message to you guys sooner had that little incident not occurred. (3) I fully intend to continue with my Happy Appy project as soon as I begin posting on a regular basis again. I'm currently in the process of re-reading the series and that will pretty much determine when I begin posting again. So, my goal is to begin posting again on a regular basis by the start of April. I might be back to posting regularly sooner, might not be, but I do know that I intend on posting here and there throughout March. I thank you for your patience and understanding.